Lance Bohnert is such a huge fan of the 1990s one-hit wonder band Green Jellÿ (pronounced Jell-O) that when the opportunity came up to bring the band to Perryville for a concert, he jumped at the chance. “
They had a big one-hit wonder called ‘The Three Little Pigs,” he said. “A few years ago, I was backstage with the band Tool, and I was painted up like one of their album covers. A few months later, the lead singer from Green Jellÿ contacted me on Facebook Messenger, and said it was cool that they brought me backstage ‘cause I was painted up like the album cover. So, we started talking back and forth and became friends on Facebook. I had this idea to bring him into school with me one day — I substitute teach — and maybe have him read the Three Little Pigs story.”
By the way, if anyone is curious why a band called Green Jell-O is spelled Green Jellÿ, it’s because the band was contacted by the company that owns Jell-O, and they weren’t too happy about their product’s name being used by a metal band.
Now, back to the story.
In addition to being a fan of Green Jellÿ and a substitute teacher, Bohnert is also involved in the haunted house industry.
“So, I’d worked for Rob Zombie’s ‘Great American Nightmare’ in Chicago, then worked for ‘Creepy World’ in St. Louis for a few years and left to do some stuff in Cape. The last two years, I put on a ‘Haunted Hayride’ for the 4-H group in Farrar. I had this idea — what I’ve always wanted to do was have my own concert in a haunted house. One evening I thought, ‘How cool would it be if I brought in Green Jellÿ to play my haunted house like Rob Zombie’s haunted house. So, I have booked Green Jellÿ for Sept. 13 at the American Legion Hall.”
According to Bohnert, he has enough Halloween animatronics and other props from his experience in the haunted house industry to fill the entire American Legion wedding hall.
“I am heading to 99.3 Real Rock tomorrow in Cape to talk with them about a little Green Jellÿ business, promoting the concert and then maybe setting up live at the event too,” he said. “So, it’s snowballing into a bigger thing. I’ve got the whole summer to put it together — to cook it — you know.
“The band’s lead singer, Bill Manspeaker, is coming out the day before on that Friday, Sept. 12, and I’m going to bring him to school with me for the art and music class. I talked to the [students] a little bit about how he went from Buffalo, NY, drove all the way across the country, went up to Hollywood, met the right person and then got this million-dollar deal.”
Bohnert explained that if it hadn’t been for Manspeaker of Green Jellÿ, the band Tool — a popular ‘90s progressive metal band from Los Angeles — would never have formed.
“Tool’s drummer plays on [The Three Little Pigs] and the lead singer from Tool has a small lyric in the song too,” he said. “So, since Tool’s my favorite band, and I know I’ll never get Tool to Perryville, this is as close as it will get for me. I’m flying out to Denver on Wednesday to hang out with [Tool] Thursday night at their show out there."
And if all that wasn’t enough, Bohnert even promoted his upcoming event at last month’s Mayfest Parade.
“I threw that together at the very last minute,” he said. “I found three people to play the Three Little Pigs, and the Big Bad Wolf was riding on the Harley-Davidson motorcycle. There was a guy who kind of looked like Rambo — not a whole lot — but Rambo takes up the Big Bad Wolf in the song. There’s the house of straw, the house of cans and sticks and the third house — it’s not bricks — it’s a tri-level mansion of pig’s faces. I had to build this whole thing in a week’s time, put it back together in the park, make sure it worked and then make sure everybody showed up right before the buzzer.”
In case anyone is curious about Bohnert’s Perryville connection, he said, “I lived in Perryville. I’m a Perryville Pirate. I moved to St. Gen for 20 years, and now I have come back. My plan is to get 500 people there at the concert in September. I’ve got promotional posters and stickers for it. Anyone who buys a ticket will get a sticker to go along with it.
“One of the guys I graduated with here in school in ’97 was Phil Balsman, who now lives in New Jersey. He used to storyboard for DC Comics. He’s doing the event artwork for the shirt and the poster, so it will be original and having a Perryville native doing the artwork for it is cool, too. I’m putting all the ingredients together. As they say in school, ‘I’m cooking.’”
More information about purchasing advance tickets for what Bohnert is calling “Lance-a-Palooza” will be coming soon.
