As we grow up, we are taught about opposites. The opposite of up is down. The opposite of right is left. The opposite of hot is cold. We are often told that the opposite of love is hate.
As the years have passed, I have come to believe something different. I believe the opposite of love is fear.
Fear is at the root of so much of what troubles us. We do hateful things because we are afraid. We fear not having enough money. We fear rejection. We fear being judged. We fear being different. We fear being alone. We fear the future and the unknown.
They say that many people fear public speaking more than death itself. Why? Because deep down we fear being judged by others. Fear has a powerful grip on the human heart.
When life becomes difficult, we wake up in the morning trying to be positive. We tell ourselves “I love my life”. Yet sometimes another voice inside whispers “I hate my life.” But perhaps that feeling is not really hate at all. Perhaps it’s fear. Fear that things will not get better. Fear that we will fail. Fear that we will lose what matters to us.
Many people speak harshly to others because they are afraid. Sometimes they try to elevate themselves by making someone else feel smaller. They want to feel safe, accepted, important, or in control. Underneath the anger and the insults is often a frightened human being.
It takes emotional maturity to recognize this truth. My hate is not always hate. Your hate is not always hate. Often it is fear wearing a disguise.
The challenge is learning to see beyond the words and actions. Can we look into another person’s face and see their fears? Can we recognize our own fears reflected back at us? Can we respond with understanding instead of more anger?
We all have two choices. We can choose to be right, or we can choose to be kind. Being kind does not mean we always agree. It means we recognize the humanity in one another.
If we help people feel safe, valued, and understood, we may lessen their fears. And when fear begins to fade, love has room to grow.
Returning to love is not easy. It requires courage, honesty, compassion, and grace. But it can be done. By recognizing our fears, by helping one another, and by seeking something greater than ourselves, we can move from fear back to love.
And by the grace of God, it shall be done.
Ask, and you shall receive.
Donna McNamarra
Perryville
